Professional Therapist Abe Kass MA RSW RMFT
Abe has helped thousands of individuals, couples, and families for twenty-five-plus years. When it comes to relationship expertise — Abe is the real deal and can be trusted!
Just as physical exercise can improve your muscles, so too, with guidance and practice you CAN build your emotional muscles — you can improve your attitude and behavior for increased relationship success
Gain insights, deepen your connection, and build a happier, healthier marriage.
I’ve identified 20 essential behaviors and mindsets, what I call Love Connections, that consistently strengthen relationships. These aren’t complicated or mysterious. In fact, they’re simple, practical habits anyone can learn.
Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a series of intentional actions and attitudes that shape the quality of your marriage or committed relationship. Think of it like following a recipe: when you use the right ingredients and steps, you create something wonderful every time.
These Love Connections aren’t just helpful tips, they’re more like relationship principles that work predictably, much like natural laws. When practiced consistently, they lay the foundation for a relationship that deepens and thrives over time.
Would you like to discover these principles? I’d love to share them with you because when you apply them, you and your partner will feel more connected, supported, and happy together.
Understanding how marriage works is crucial for building a strong, lasting relationship. Just like you need to learn how to drive before getting behind the wheel of a car, couples need to know about relationship dynamics if their marriage is to be successful. This knowledge helps prevent problems and creates a foundation for a happy life together. Through education, couples can develop essential skills in communication, conflict resolution, romance, and financial planning. They learn to navigate differences in values, expectations, and family dynamics. By investing time in understanding marriage’s complexities, couples equip themselves with tools to handle challenges, strengthen their bond, and nurture a relationship that can weather life’s inevitable storms. This essential education proves invaluable in creating a resilient and fulfilling partnership.
Every relationship experiences natural ebbs and flows, but how couples navigate their differences of opinions is the true test of their bond. While disagreements are inevitable, the approach partners take in addressing them shapes their relationship’s destiny. Couples who practice active listening, express emotions constructively and seek understanding emerge stronger from challenges. The ensuing peace and harmony create a fertile ground for deepening love and fostering trust and emotional intimacy. Conversely, persistent unresolved conflicts and hostile communication patterns can gradually erode even the most passionate connections. The key lies not in avoiding disagreements altogether but in developing healthy conflict-resolution skills that strengthen the relationship’s foundation.
Relationship dynamics are shaped by countless daily interactions, where each response can strengthen or strain the emotional bond between partners. When individuals react to their partner’s behaviors, whether leaving dishes in the sink or having a different communication style, they create patterns that ripple through their connection. How someone processes and expresses their feelings about these differences makes a lasting impact. While acceptance doesn’t mean agreeing with everything, it creates space for understanding each person’s unique traits and background. On the other hand, responding with frequent irritation or anger can build invisible walls between partners over time. These emotional barriers often start small but can gradually transform into deeper issues that affect trust, intimacy, and the ability to communicate openly. The atmosphere within the relationship becomes colored by these accumulated responses, influencing how comfortable each person feels being themselves.
Investing in a relationship is like tending to a financial portfolio; both require consistent effort, patience, and attention to grow. In relationships, “investing” means giving time, energy, and care, fostering a connection that can withstand challenges. This investment involves sharing experiences, listening actively, and being emotionally available, all of which help strengthen the bond. Conversely, a “relationship withdrawal” happens when one or both partners pull away, becoming distant or less involved. Over time, these withdrawals can create gaps in the partnership, leading to feelings of discontent or resentment. “Investing” keeps relationships strong and resilient, supporting long-term happiness.
Transparency is the foundation of a strong relationship, creating trust that keeps partners connected and secure. When couples are open with each other, they show mutual respect and help each other feel valued and understood. Problems often arise when one partner holds back important information. Keeping secrets about sensitive topics like finances, health issues, or past relationships can create a wedge between partners. These hidden details can plant seeds of doubt and suspicion in the relationship. Over time, secrets can eat away at the relationship’s foundation. What starts as a minor omission might become a pattern of withholding information. This can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings, as partners may feel betrayed when they eventually discover the truth. The damage from hidden information can be significant. Once trust is broken, rebuilding takes considerable time and effort, and some relationships may never fully recover.
Collaboration and unilateral decision-making represent two distinct approaches that significantly impact relationship dynamics. When partners make decisions together, they create an environment where both voices carry equal weight, leading to stronger emotional bonds and shared ownership of outcomes. This collaborative process often takes longer and requires both individuals’ active listening, compromise, and patience. In contrast, unilateral decisions occur when one partner takes control without consultation, potentially undermining the relationship’s foundation. Such actions can create a pattern where one partner feels powerless or overlooked, gradually eroding trust and intimacy. The effects extend beyond the immediate decision, influencing communication patterns, emotional connection, and long-term relationship satisfaction. While some routine decisions might not require extensive discussion, significant choices about finances, living arrangements, or future plans benefit from thoughtful collaboration between partners.
Loyalty is an essential quality that holds relationships together, forming a foundation built on trust, reliability, and a shared commitment. Loyalty means, barring a few exceptions, not asking whether your partner is right or wrong but sticking with them regardless of how you feel about the situation. This steadfast dedication manifests in small daily actions and major life decisions, reinforcing the bonds between partners and strengthening their emotional connection. The presence of loyalty allows relationships to weather challenges and grow stronger through adversity, as partners know they can depend on each other unconditionally. Disloyalty, in contrast, disrupts this fundamental bond, causing feelings of betrayal, sadness, and insecurity. It undermines trust, leaving deep emotional scars that are hard to heal. When loyalty is broken, the foundation of the relationship begins to crumble, leading to doubt, anxiety, and emotional distance between partners. A relationship marred by disloyalty often faces significant struggles. Once broken, like trust, loyalty is difficult to restore.
Commitment and responsibility-avoidance represent opposing forces in relationships that shape their long-term success or failure. While commitment is an anchor, creating stability through dedicated effort and emotional investment, responsibility-avoidance is an erosive element that gradually weakens bonds. Those who demonstrate commitment actively maintain the relationship’s health, address conflicts head-on, and share joys and burdens. They recognize that relationships require consistent nurturing and don’t shy away from difficult conversations or challenging situations. In contrast, responsibility-avoidance manifests as a pattern of deflecting accountability, making excuses, and withdrawing when things become demanding. This behavior creates an imbalance where one partner bears a heavier emotional and practical load, leading to resentment and disconnection. Understanding these dynamics helps illuminate why some relationships thrive while others struggle to maintain meaningful connections over time.
Living in reality, being grounded, versus maintaining unrealistic expectations in relationships reflects a fundamental challenge many people face. When individuals enter relationships, they often carry idealized images shaped by media, cultural influences, and emotional triggers due to past trauma. Reality, however, presents a more complex picture where partners have flaws, make mistakes, and are imperfect human beings. This gap between desire, aspirations, and actuality can create emotional turbulence as people struggle to reconcile their dreamt-up scenarios with the genuine experience of sharing life with another person. While hopes and aspirations naturally exist within relationships, holding onto rigid, perfectionist standards often leads to a cycle of frustration and disappointment. Understanding that relationships involve two imperfect humans navigating life together helps create a more grounded perspective. This recognition doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your partner. Rather, it means you are standing on solid ground as you grow and maintain your family.
The dynamics between spouses and in-laws create complex emotional landscapes that influence family relationships for generations. When acceptance prevails, it fosters an environment where mutual acceptance enriches both families, creating a support network that strengthens during life’s challenges. Children benefit from exposure to diverse family perspectives and traditions, while elderly parents gain expanded social connections. However, rejection of in-laws can trigger resentment and retaliation from one’s partner. As well, it can cause a chain reaction affecting extended family relationships, potentially isolating siblings, cousins, and grandparents. This distance often intensifies during significant life events like births, graduations, and funerals, where the absence of family members becomes particularly noticeable. These relationship patterns often echo through subsequent generations as children observe and internalize their parents’ approach to family bonds.
Role-negotiation and role-dislike are two important dynamics in a relationship. Role-negotiation is a process where partners openly discuss and agree on dividing tasks, responsibilities, and decision-making. This approach allows flexibility and mutual understanding, as both individuals have a say in shaping their roles. Role-dislike, however, emerges when one or both partners become dissatisfied with their assigned or assumed roles within the relationship. This dissatisfaction can stem from various factors, such as feeling overwhelmed, undervalued, or trapped in a role that doesn’t align with personal preferences or strengths. If left unaddressed, role-dislike can lead to tension, resentment, and relationship breakdown. The interplay between these two dynamics highlights the ongoing nature of role management in relationships, as partners may need to revisit and renegotiate their roles over time to maintain harmony and satisfaction. Understanding these dynamics can help individuals recognize the importance of open communication and flexibility in navigating relationship roles.
Self-regulation and behavioral volatility represent opposing forces in human behavior that profoundly shape our relationships. While self-regulation involves the conscious ability to monitor and adjust our responses, much like a thermostat controlling room temperature, volatility acts more like an unpredictable storm system, bringing sudden and intense changes in mood and corresponding behavior. These unregulated behavior patterns play out daily through various situations, from minor disagreements to major life challenges. When one partner struggles with self-control, it can create a rippling effect, influencing everything from daily communications to long-term trust. The impact extends beyond immediate reactions, affecting how couples make decisions, solve problems, and maintain emotional and physical intimacy. Understanding these dynamics helps explain why some relationships remain stable during difficult times while others become strained under similar circumstances.
Respect and abusive control represent opposite ends of the relationship spectrum, shaping how partners interact and treat each other. Respect creates an environment where both individuals feel equal, valued, and heard, allowing each individual to express and behave freely without fear of judgment or consequence. Whereas abusive control gradually erodes personal boundaries and self-worth. This control often begins subtly, perhaps disguised as concern or protection, but progressively intensifies to include behaviors like monitoring communications, isolating partners from friends and family, or making all important decisions unilaterally. The contrast between these dynamics becomes evident in how disagreements are handled – respectful relationships embrace open dialogue and compromise, whereas controlling relationships feature one partner imposing their will through various tactics like guilt, threats, emotional manipulation, or physical assault. Understanding these differences helps people recognize the profound impact these behaviors have on relationship dynamics and personal well-being.
Self-care and self-harm represent opposing approaches to managing emotional and physical well-being. While self-care involves positive actions like regular exercise, spirituality, healthy eating, setting boundaries, and seeking support when needed, self-harm emerges as a destructive coping mechanism that can include physical injury, emotional self-sabotage, or deliberate isolation. Someone practicing self-care typically brings stronger emotional regulation, clearer boundaries, and better communication skills to their partnerships. Conversely, those struggling with self-harm may find it challenging to maintain healthy relationships due to feelings of unworthiness, difficulty trusting others, or the emotional strain their behaviors place on their partners. The impact extends beyond the individual, creating ripple effects that can either strengthen or strain relationship bonds, ultimately affecting both partners’ mental and emotional health.
Sobriety and addiction represent two opposing forces that fundamentally reshape both individual behavior and relationship dynamics. While addiction hijacks the brain’s reward system, it simultaneously erodes trust and intimacy between partners, family members, and friends. Loved ones find themselves caught between supporting the addicted person and protecting their emotional well-being. In contrast, the person struggling with addiction often withdraws from meaningful connections in favor of substance use. The journey between these states involves multiple attempts, setbacks, and victories that create emotional waves affecting entire family systems as relationships cycle through patterns of enabling, detachment, and cautious hope. Physical symptoms like sleep disturbances and mood swings strain daily interactions, while psychological impacts extend beyond the individual to transform family roles and relationship patterns. Recovery demands not just individual healing but the reconstruction of trust and the development of healthier relationship dynamics, with success often depending on the person in recovery and their loved ones learning new ways of connecting and maintaining boundaries.
Marriage fidelity and infidelity represent fundamental dynamics in human relationships beyond simple definitions of faithfulness or betrayal. While fidelity builds a foundation of trust through consistent emotional and physical commitment, infidelity can manifest in various forms, from secret emotional connections to physical intimacy with others. The impact of infidelity often ripples beyond the couple, affecting families, friends, and even professional relationships. Trust, once broken through infidelity, can leave lasting emotional wounds that influence mental health and current and future relationships. The healing process requires dedicated effort, open communication, and often professional guidance to rebuild shattered trust. Both partners must confront underlying issues, establish new boundaries, and develop healthier patterns of interaction. Some couples emerge stronger after working through infidelity, while others find healing through separation. The journey toward recovery demands patience, self-reflection, and a mutual commitment to rebuilding the relationship or finding respectful closure. Upon the discovery of infidelity, the outcome cannot be predicted.
Emotional and physical intimacy, the core of romance and sex, are pivotal in human connection. They facilitate the sharing of vulnerable moments and the building of trust. By releasing bonding hormones like oxytocin and dopamine, these elements reinforce attachment. Romance and sex keep love strong. Conversely, coldness and distance, often stemming from fear, past hurts, or unmet needs, act as invisible walls in relationships. When partners withdraw emotionally or physically, their connection weakens, leading to a cycle of decreased communication and reduced affection. This emotional frost can manifest in various ways, from minimal physical contact to brief, impersonal conversations and separate daily routines. The stark contrast between these two relationship states underscores the need for active nurturing to maintain warmth and vitality in human bonds.
The interplay between empathy and rejection fundamentally shapes the foundation and longevity of marriage, creating a complex dance that influences how couples build and maintain their intimate bond over years or decades. When a spouse shows empathy, they create a vital bridge of understanding by stepping into their partner’s emotional space, acknowledging their pain, joy, or struggles as valid experiences worthy of recognition and support. This meaningful connection builds trust and creates a safe environment for open communication, allowing the marriage to deepen and flourish through life’s challenges and celebrations. In contrast, rejection from a spouse acts like an emotional wall, cutting off the possibility of understanding and creating distance between partners who have pledged their lives to each other. The impact reaches far beyond individual disagreements or moments of disconnect, as repeated rejection within a marriage can lead to lasting emotional patterns, making partners hesitant to share their feelings or be vulnerable with each other. These opposing forces shape the quality and depth of marital intimacy, ultimately determining whether a couple grows closer together or slowly drifts apart over time.
Humility and arrogance represent opposing forces that significantly shape the dynamics of human relationships. While humble individuals acknowledge their imperfections and embrace opportunities for growth, arrogant people often create barriers through their unwillingness to admit mistakes or consider different perspectives. In relationships, humility fosters trust by demonstrating respect and genuine interest in a partner’s thoughts and feelings, creating an environment where both people feel valued and heard. Arrogance, however, can poison connections by leading one person to dominate conversations, dismiss their partner’s experiences, and refuse to accept responsibility for their actions. These contrasting traits influence intimate relationships and affect friendships, family bonds, and professional connections, ultimately determining whether relationships flourish or deteriorate over time. The impact extends beyond immediate interactions, as humble people build lasting, meaningful connections, while arrogant individuals often find themselves increasingly isolated despite their outward display of confidence.
Relationships naturally experience cycles of growth and decline, much like a garden that requires constant attention to flourish. When partners become complacent or take each other for granted, small issues can accumulate, like rust on metal, gradually weakening their bond. This decay often starts subtly – missed conversations, forgotten gestures of affection, or unaddressed frustrations that pile up over time. Gradually, relationship satisfaction decreases. Meanwhile, rebuilding involves more than just addressing visible problems; it requires examining the relationship’s foundation, understanding patterns of interaction, and acknowledging both partners’ emotional needs. The process parallels renovating a house – some areas need complete reconstruction, while others require maintenance and reinforcement. The longer relationship decay continues unchecked, the more extensive the recovery process becomes. Regular maintenance and correction are crucial for long-term relationship health.
** Based on extensive research and clinical observation
Abe has helped thousands of individuals, couples, and families for twenty-five-plus years. When it comes to relationship expertise — Abe is the real deal and can be trusted!
Professional Therapist Abe Kass MA RSW RMFT
Abe has helped thousands of individuals, couples, and families for twenty-five-plus years. When it comes to relationship expertise — Abe is the real deal and can be trusted!