What Parents Need to Know Before and After Remarrying
When a parent remarries, this is often an additional problem for the children—already burdened by and suffering from their parent’s divorce and their family breaking apart. Becoming a member of a step-family often is another wound to cope with.
For example, girls in stepfamilies are slightly more likely to have a teenage pregnancy compared to girls in single-parent families and much more likely to have a teenage pregnancy than girls in intact, married families. Children who grow up in stepfamilies are more likely to marry as teenagers compared to children who grow up in single-parent or intact, married families.
For example, girls in stepfamilies are slightly more likely to have a teenage pregnancy compared to girls in single-parent families and much more likely to have a teenage pregnancy than girls in intact, married families. Children who grow up in stepfamilies are more likely to marry as teenagers compared to children who grow up in single-parent or intact, married families.
This is not to say that remarriage is a bad idea. Making a healthy and successful blended family is certainly a blessing for all the children. However, it takes lots of work, careful planning, and often the help of a caring and skilled family therapist.
Negative Effects of Remarriage
Researchers have found remarriage to be associated with negative effects. According to one research study, children reported that their parents’ remarriages were more stressful than their divorces.
Jealousy and Competition
Children may feel jealous of a stepparent, particularly after their parents remarry. They want their parent’s attention and care and can’t help but feel like the stepparent is taking it away from them. This can lead to insecurity, competition, and resentment towards the step-parent or new parent.
Feeling Left Behind
Children report that when parents remarry with children, they feel left behind, and a new family is created. They feel the new family is preferable to the old family that was built around them. They may wonder if they did something wrong to make their mother or father find a new family.
Loyalty Conflicts
Furthermore, children might struggle with divided loyalties, feeling torn between their biological parent, mother, or father, who the new stepparent has replaced. This emotional conflict will exacerbate feelings of confusion and guilt, making it harder for them to adjust to their new family dynamics.
Feeling Marginalized
In a blended family, a parent often favors their biological children. This is further complicated by a step-parent, fearful of being rejected by a stepchild, who then avoids him or her. This can lead the child to feel unloved and unwanted.
Being Disliked
If a child complains to his or her biological parent about his or her step-parent, for whatever reason, the step-parent, who may be trying very hard, becomes deeply hurt and resentful. This can create a chain of conflicts that pile one problem upon another.
Conclusion
The research indicates that while remarriage may provide some financial benefits over single-parent households, it is often associated with more negative emotional and behavioral effects on children, especially girls, compared to children from intact, married families. Common issues include stress, jealousy, insecurity, and feeling replaced or abandoned. These challenges can be exacerbated by the dynamics of blended families, where children must navigate new and challenging relationships and unfamiliar family roles. Additionally, the presence of step-siblings and the adjustment to a new parental figure can further intensify these emotional struggles, leading to long-term impacts on their well-being.
I have written this article not to suggest that people should not remarry once they are divorced. Instead, I encourage you to try to find peace and renewal. Try to keep your family together if you are already married with children and are having problems with your partner.
Also, if you are already married with children, do not fantasize that breaking up your family and getting a new partner will solve all your problems. It won’t!
Sometimes, divorce cannot be prevented. In such situations, I encourage you to work with what you have. Yes, get remarried. But be mindful and honest about the dangers ahead. Find a good therapist to keep you and the family on the right path.
