Gender Differences in Marriage and Committed Relationships—Who Cares?

Free Marriage Counseling: Men And Women Are Different

Locker room jokes highlighting the differences between men and women are entertaining, but they will not help build the loving, happy marriage or committed relationship that you and your partner desire!

Such frivolity may be great for a few laughs, but jokes will not help you answer important marriage or committed relationship questions or build a successful relationship.

Scientists representing many different specialties have documented substantial differences between men and women. Some scientists claim it is primarily genetics while others claim it is due to social influences. The truth... it is both!

Regardless of the reasons, gender differences exist.

Without knowledge of the differences between the genders, establishing a respectful and loving relationship will at best be difficult and most likely be impossible. If you currently have relationship problems, being gender-wise and acknowledging the differences between males and females is a big step forward in fixing a broken marriage or committed relationship.

Gender Differences in Marriage and Committed Relationships

Here is a free marriage counseling tip

When you treat your partner according to your informed knowledge of his or her gender, creating love and harmony becomes much easier.

You need to clearly understand the differences and use this knowledge consciously to better your committed relationship. Knowing how to use gender wisdom gives you powerful relationship building skills.

In fact, acknowledging gender differences is one of the essential marriage or committed relationship rules that must be followed for a happy, healthy and long lasting marriage. This is precisely why knowing about gender differences matters. Ignorance of these 'gender characteristics or traits' will lead to misery. Not because I say so... rather because these 'traits' are hard-wired within each of us — they are human instinct. There are exceptions to every rule, and if you or your partner have some characteristics that are usually associated with the opposite gender, that is perfectly normal, and is not a cause for concern.

Use gender wisdom to power your relationship-building skills

When gender-wisdom is used in each relationship interaction with your partner, you will be impressed with the results. Love, respect, understanding, passion and harmony will increase dramatically. And for some couples, gender-wisdom will actually fix their broken marriage or committed relationship.

In my clinical work as a professional couple therapist, I have witnessed many painful and troubled relationships rapidly improve when one or both individuals understand that men and women are fundamentally different, and then apply this knowledge to enhance their relationship through creating realistic relationship expectation. In some cases, gender-wisdom has even prevented divorce!

Free online marriage counseling: Here are fundamental gender differences between men and women:

  • Women like to talk about people. Men like to talk about things and events.

  • Women like consensus. Men like autonomy.

  • Women are team players. Men like to be independent.

  • Women think best when talking to others. Men think best when alone.

  • Women like details. Men prefer the 'big picture.'

  • Women tend to focus on the past. Men tend to focus on the present and future.

  • Women are good at multitasking. Men do best when they do one thing at a time.

  • Women have sensitive feelings that are easily hurt. Men can more readily ignore their feelings and carry-on.

  • Women are aware of relationship problems. Men tend to focus on fixing material things.

  • Women like to discuss feelings. Men like to solve problems.

  • Women want to be cherished. Men want to be valued.

  • Women combine feelings and physical sex when making love. Men want physical sex when lovemaking. Afterwards, men feel loving toward their wives.

Research facts about gender differences

... [according to] New York University psychologist Martin Hoffman, who has studied the emotional responses of day-old infants too young for anyone to “train”—before any suspicion of socialization. Hoffman simply let the babies listen to sounds—of other babies crying, of animal calls, of the weird droning voice of computer-generated language. The babies responded most strongly to the sound of another human in distress. But it was the tiny females who reacted most intensely to the sound of another’s trouble—a reaction that Hoffman suggested would run like an underground stream through their entire lives. His inference was that, while both sexes respond to another’s distress, even on the first day girls are more tuned to an empathetic response. Hoffman’s carefully technical analysis puts it like this: “Females may be more apt to imagine how it would feel if the stimuli impinging on the other were impinging on the self.”

Females, for so long the first line of caregiving—the first defense, really, that an infant has against the world—have to be oriented to the needs of others. No wonder, then, that females possess such exquisitely tuned senses: The female sense of smell is more acute than the male’s (especially during ovulation), and women are more sensitive to touch than men. As it turns out, ability to communicate with touch is critical for the healthy survival of a child. Studies with premature infants have found that if they are held, even just gently stroked, they grow and mature faster. They gain weight 47 percent faster than those left alone, even if both receive the same amount of food.

Source: Deborah Blum, 1997. Sex On The Brain: The biological differences between men + women, 66-67. New York, New York: Penguin Books

Free online marriage counseling: Individual differences trump gender stereotypes

Being gender informed makes building a successful relationship much easier.

At the same time, be open-minded and accepting if you find exceptions to the rule in your relationship.

For example, there are men who are emotionally sensitive and women who like to solve problems. Or there are men who like to talk about relationships and women who like to fix things.

Every person is unique. Although stereotypes often are true, there are always exceptions. There are many gender exceptions and they are all good, legitimate, and should be respected.

Be gender informed

If you are a woman, when your relationship expectations are gender informed, then you won't be disappointed when your husband or boyfriend behaves in a typical male way.

If you are a man, when your relationship expectations are gender informed, then you won't be disappointed when your wife or girlfriend behaves in a typical female way.

Being gender-wise leads to acceptance — an essential ingredient for a successful marriage or committed relationship.

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abe kass

Abe has helped thousands of individuals, couples, and families for twenty-five-plus years. When it comes to relationship expertise — Abe is the real deal and can be trusted!

abe kassProfessional Therapist Abe Kass MA RSW RMFT

Abe has helped thousands of individuals, couples, and families for twenty-five-plus years. When it comes to relationship expertise — Abe is the real deal and can be trusted!