Learn how to stop the cheating that can ruin your relationship and family
Hi, this is couple therapist Abe Kass, MA RSW RMFT CCHT,
I have never cheated on my spouse. I have no intention to do so. However, I know it is a possibility.
Because it is possible for EVERY person to cheat.
Your husband, wife or committed partner is our legitimate partner. If you add someone else to your romantic life this is an illegitimate relationship and it is called infidelity.
Every healthy person can be attracted and fall in love with more than one person. Wanting more of the good things that we already have is part of human nature. This is true about money, honor, and certainly romance, and sex.
Everyone is a potential philanderer!
Since we are naturally greedy, we need to be careful and cautious to protect the exclusive relationship we have with our spouse or committed relationship partner. If we are not careful, and we cheat, we may end up ruining everything that is of importance to us.
If a person is not getting along with their legitimate partner, it is much more easy for them to cheat. However, for those of us who do get along well with our partner, we also need to be careful. The rules listed below apply to everyone.
How to stop cheating?
Avoid the following behaviors with a person of the opposite sex
1. Sharing personal feelings Intimacy is letting another person know about very deep parts of yourself which exist on many different levels. Your intimacy door should be open only to your husband, wife or committed partner. Of course, sharing with family and friends who care and love you is legitimate. Doing so should be a natural byproduct of a healthy and ongoing loving relationship with your husband, wife or partner, but there are still boundaries. Read the article Diamonds For My Lover! to learn how destructive it is to one’s marriage to give presents to one’s lover.
2. Talking about the relationship you have with your legitimate partner If you share details about your intimate relationship with your husband, wife or partner, this is a violation of privacy and a perversion of the intimacy you have with your legitimate partner. The definition of intimacy implies a sanctity, a sacred secret, between you and your partner that is not shared with others.
3. Deliberate touching Affectionately touching someone of the opposite gender naturally elicits sexual feelings. Once you are excited, it becomes a slippery slope and you have no idea when or if you can stop. That is why it is important never to start.
4. Giving gifts or money Giving gifts is a symbolic gesture of affection and caring. Giving a gift to an illegitimate partner is an invitation to step beyond the appropriate boundaries that protect your primary relationship.
5. Going on dates In your spare time when you have fun, the fun should be with your husband, wife or partner. Giving the best you have to a person outside of your marriage or committed relationship is cheating, it is depriving your legitimate partner of your involvement and investment in your marriage or committed relationship.
6. Private meals together For many people, food and drink is a prelude to intimacy. There may be occasional business meetings where it is appropriate to meet with someone of the opposite gender. However, it should be done in a very public place and the focus should be on business.
7. Arranging to meet when out-of-town Secluding oneself when out of town with a person of the opposite gender is like combining fire and gasoline — you know what is going to happen. Once such a meeting has been arranged, the outcome is already known. You are now on a slippery slope into the embrace of infidelity.
8. Personal phone calls, text messaging, emails, or internet chat of a personal nature Taking personal calls or other forms of communication from a person behind your husband’s, wife’s or partner’s back qualifies as a betrayal. People don’t fall in love without first becoming involved and entangled with each other. Talking is a precursor to emotional attachment and/or lovemaking.
9. Doing favors Doing a favor for another person is an act of kindness. The majority of your favors should be done for your partner and family members. If you find yourself committing many acts of kindness with another person you could become romantically attached to him or her. You are headed in the wrong direction.
In general, one of the surest signs that you are betraying your legitimate partner is when you conceal the activities that you are having with a person with whom you could potentially have a romantic relationship.
If you find yourself tempted to lie about activities with another person who could be a threat to your marriage or committed relationship, or you have already done this and lied about it, this is proof-positive that you are rapidly accelerating along the Infidelity-Highway.
You have learned how to stop cheating. Now, align your self-discipline with what you know!
Protect your most valuable asset, your committed relationship and your family. Remain loyal and faithful to your legitimate partner. To do otherwise is relationship suicidal.
Cheating and infidelity is preventable!
VIDEO: 11 Reasons an Individual Cheats on His or Her Partner
Abe Kass, MA, RSW, RMFT, CCHT., is a Registered Social Worker, Registered Couple and Family Therapist, Certified Hypnotherapist, and award-winning Educator. He has a busy clinical practice in Toronto, Canada and throughout the world using the phone or Zoom.
After many years of clinical practice and research, Abe concluded that practical solutions requiring a focused effort of no more than a few minutes a day for very specific relationship problems were critically needed. GoSmartLife Publishing House has been created to fill this need.