Learn What Are the 15 Deadly Signs of an Immature Man Plus Get a Free Man Child Evaluation Worksheet
Hi, this is professional therapist Abe Kass MA RSW RMFT.
Successful relationships require two emotionally mature individuals.
The measure of a mature person is that he or she can regulate his or her self-serving impulses.
Both men and women can be emotionally immature. However, emotional immaturity is far more common in men. This is because women are typically more skilled at building and maintaining healthy relationships than men.
The Man Child
Children are immature. They perceive themselves as the center of the universe, deserving everything good and believing they and their needs come before everyone else. This is normal and healthy for children.
As children grow up and mature, they learn to control their selfish egos and eventually adjust to the existence of others. They learn to cooperate, share, and compromise.
Healthy children turn into healthy adults. They turn into adults who know how to respect the needs of others and voluntarily sacrifice their needs for the greater good of others.
Unfortunately, some men remain rooted in their youth and never learn to set themselves aside for the benefit of their partner or children. Such men are referred to as a “man-child!”
A man-child believes that he is the center of the universe. He is self-centered, egotistical, and selfish. His body has grown to maturity, but his emotions remain like that of a child.
Some males who are considered a man-child are unpleasant and annoying to live with. Some evolve into abusers who try to control and impose their will on others.
Living with a Man-Child
If you are married to or living with a man-child, you are likely experiencing many relationship problems.
You will feel that in his world, you are unimportant. Likely, you will have to argue and fight each step of the way to get your legitimate needs met.
At times, you will feel all alone. Even though you are living with another person, he is not a partner.
And if that isn’t enough, your man-child is likely to exploit whatever financial resources you have for his desires and pleasures.
A man-child’s immaturity may also express itself by abuse of substances such as alcohol and marijuana.
A man-child’s immaturity may also express itself with an intense attachment to a particular hobby, caring little about how this impacts the rest of the family.
Some Men-Children Do Grow Up!
Your immature man-child can learn how a mature adult behaves and can eventually guide his attitudes and behaviors in that direction. In other words, he can learn how to be an emotionally mature adult.
He may require the help of a skilled therapist or mentor to help him transform himself from a man-child to a mature partner and father.
Perhaps he can embark on a philosophical or spiritual journey to take a broader view of what his life and the lives of others are all about and in doing so, upgrade his core values.
However, the first step that your emotionally immature man needs to do is to acknowledge that he needs to be emotionally more mature, and the second step is to willingly work towards that goal. If he declines either one of these two preconditions, he will never grow up!
Dating a Man-Child
If you are dating a man-child, you should carefully consider if you want to hitch your fate to him.
Dating is a period within the relationship process where either one of you can quit the relationship without hard feelings. If you don’t want to be married to a man-child, you should seriously consider seeking another partner.
Don’t think that if you bond with a man-child you will be able to improve him and make him a better partner for you. It is not likely to happen.
Many women make the mistake of thinking they can turn their “man-child” into a “man-adult,” but they can’t. Sadly, they pay dearly for this mistake. Marriage does not turn an immature man into an adult!
Only deliberately choose to live with a man, that during your dating period, you felt was right for you, that he was ‘good enough to spend your life with.’
Men often become more immature once they are married. They no longer feel they have to be on their ‘best behavior,’ and they become more indulgent and selfish, feeling entitled to all the good that their female partner has to offer.
Free worksheet: Take the Emotional Maturity Audit
Below there are 15 deadly signs of an immature man
Print this page so you can write down your answers to each of the 15 questions or answer each question in a separate document on your device.
Your answer should reflect patterns of behavior. Everyone can occasionally behave immaturely for a variety of reasons. For example, lack of sleep, emotional triggers from past trauma, or a momentary feeling of emotional neediness.
Patterns of behavior reflect character and values, and this is what will determine the level of maturity of your man.
The more patterns of immature attitudes and behavior you identify, the greater the likelihood that you were married to or are living with a man-child.
If you identify strong patterns of immature behavior, sharing this with your male partner may inspire him to try to do better and to grow up. If that is not possible, and you choose to remain with him, which may make sense given additional considerations such as having children with him, you need to adjust your expectations and perhaps put in place boundaries so you will be protected.
Expectations: For example, your man-child may shine during a crisis, but in ordinary day-to-day life, it is his selfishness that will define his presence. Accept this as a natural consequence of your choice to live with a man-child or another example, when you want him to do something for you, include in it a potential benefit for him.
Boundaries: For example, if your man-child recklessly spends money, and it is possible for you to get control over the family finances, he can be given a budget that he must accept as his spending limitation, or another example, if he is unwilling to help around the house cooperatively, then doing his laundry and other services should perhaps be curtailed so he is encouraged to take more responsibility for himself and be more willing to cooperate and help you.
The following are the 15 deadly signs of an immature man:
1. Has a pattern of behavior that puts himself first?
2. Does not support others when they need support?
3. Can’t compromise?
4. Thinks he is always right?
5. Is insensitive to the feelings of others?
6. Gets into arguments and fights often and with many people?
7. Is selfish and perhaps even lies to get what he wants?
8. Indulgent in material pleasures such as food, entertainment and/or sexual activity when the interest is not mutual?
9. Won't make the effort to understand another person’s point of view?
10. Has a difficult time listening to an opposing opinion?
11. Is often angry when people don’t agree?
12. Is rejecting of others who don't give him what he wants?
13. Always considers himself right and never apologizes for making a mistake?
14. Is impulsive and does not consider the needs of others or the impact on others before acting.
15. Self-centered and always focuses on himself?
If some of the above immature attitudes and behaviors are true for your man, know that without emotional growth, it will be difficult to form a healthy and loving relationship with him.
The ability to put your partner first is an essential part of a successful marriage or committed relationship, and if your male partner finds doing so difficult, you need to encourage him to “grow up.”