Emotional Abuse Test

Take the FREE Emotional Abuse Test — it is quick and easy
No email required. Immediate results. Private and Confidential.

Find out in 2-minutes if you are living with an emotional abuser!

More than a million individuals have taken this scientific-based Emotional Abuse Test!

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Living with respect and kindness is a human right. Accepting abuse is a choice! Give your partner an opportunity to stop being an abuser, and if he or she does not change for the better — quit the relationship and STOP the abuse! THE CHOICE IS YOURS!


Learn the TRUTH about your marriage or committed relationship… and if there is emotional abuse, what to do and where to get the needed help. Be “smarter than your emotional abuser” — learn how to safely free yourself from his or her oppression!


Your emotional abuser can change for the better if he or she wants to.

However, you, the victim, start the process of ending the emotional abuser’s tyranny when you take the position that you will no longer accept any type of abuse… and your first step is to educate yourself about abuse. Knowledge is power!

Take this Emotional Abuse Test and learn more, and when possible help your emotional abuser change for the better. If that can’t be done, then get help to free yourself from your abusive relationship.


About this Emotional Abuse Test

This Emotional Abuse Test is based on solid scientific research (see below for the source). It has been designed to help couples determine if their relationship is similar to other couples who live in abusive relationships.

Note: Physical violence or domestic violence is more than emotional abuse. Physical violence or domestic violence requires special remedies and is NOT measured in this Emotional Abuse Test.

Learn more about what to do If there is physical violence or domestic violence in your relationship.

FREE Bonus: Read below The 12 PRINCIPLED POSITIONS To End The Abuse. Print it out and use it as a guide to stop emotional abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, psychological abuse, or sexual abuse.

15 easy to answer questions and Choose your answer

Note: The results of this Emotional Abuse Test are not definitive, and for the most accurate results seek the counsel of a certified relationship specialist. The author of this site, Abe Kass, assumes no responsibility for any inaccuracies or unintended misinformation. The user of this Emotional Abuse Test and associated information does so at his or her own risk.

Emotional Abuse Test results and what they mean to you... and what you should do next...

Hi, this is couple therapist Abe Kass, MA RSW RMFT CCHT. Author of this quiz and webpage on emotional abuse.

Let’s review your Emotional Abuse Test score.

Remembering your score from the Emotional Abuse Test, scroll-down until you find the range of points that apply to you. Then read what your results mean.

Your score:

0 – 2 POINTS

You have a healthy relationship. Your partner behaves respectfully and kindly towards you. You are fortunate!

Hopefully, you also treat your partner with kindness and respect.

Your relationship future looks good.

3 – 7 POINTS

Your answers to the Emotional Abuse Test show that you are reasonably safe from emotional abuse, or if it present it is minor.

However, if you and your partner are not careful, your relationship could slip into a situation where it becomes abusive.

Monitor relationship interactions that include bickering, anger, reduced romance/sex or ignoring each other.

These are relationship viruses that, if not dealt with when they first start, could lead to relationship decay that may be difficult to reverse and could lead to a pattern of abuse.

8 – 12 POINTS

Based on your score, there is a likelihood of some emotional abuse in your relationship.

You need to make some positive changes in your relationship to be safe and build a healthy committed relationship or marriage.

Know, as bad as your relationship is now, it could get worse!

Strong intervention is the best way to prevent additional relationship abuse.

It is important to know, that your partner may not be intentionally trying to hurt you, and if he or she is given a some relationship lessons, the abuse can stop.

Perhaps you can find someone to explain to your partner how wrong abuse is, and the benefit of a respectful, caring, and loving relationship.

If the bad relationship patterns are allowed to go on unchallenged, likely the abuse will get worse.

Assistance from a qualified professional relationship specialist can be of great assistance as well as self-help programs such as books on abuse, audio programs on abuse, or courses on abuse.

Consider buying my book on emotional abuse.

The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know is easy to read, inexpensive, and is available as an immediate download or as a paperback from Amazon.

See below to learn more about, The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know.

13 and MORE POINTS

Based on your score from the Emotional Abuse Test, it seems like there are dangerous levels of emotional abuse in your relationship.

It is important to get an outside professional to assess the levels or abuse to see if you and other family members are safe, and to consider what are your options moving forward.

Your emotional abuser MUST change for the better if you are to have a loving, respectful, and friendship-based relationship.

However, if your abuser will not change, evaluate whether or not you should continue with him or her.

Staying in an abusive relationship is harmful.

Understand that respect and kindness are a ‘human right’ — not something that needs to be earned.

You are not to blame for any abuse in your relationship. The fault for the abusive relationship lies with your abuser — and it is he or she that must learn how to be reasonable, kind, and respectful.

If someone is treating you abusively you need to take decisive action to end the abuse, and prevent it from reoccurring in the future.

You have taken the Emotional Abuse Test and now know you are in an abusive relationship.

Get professional guidance to free yourself from being abused!

Consider buying my book.

It is a definitive guide on how to free yourself from emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and psychological abuse.

I have written this book to give you the practical steps needed to free yourself from abuse and move on to a healthy life.

If you suffer from…

  • Emotional abuse…
  • Verbal abuse…
  • Psychological abuse…
  • Mental abuse
  • Sexual abuse

… this book is for you.

My ground-breaking book on emotional abuse, The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know is available for immediate download, or as a paperback copy from Amazon. Learn more about how to stop abuse.

In this authoritative guide, The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know, you will learn:

  • The many ways that emotional abuse destroys relationships
  • The different types of emotional abuse that victims suffer from
  • The difference between normal marital conflict and an emotional abuse marriage or an emotionally abusive relationship
  • The role of anger in emotional abuse
  • Gender differences in how abuse is expressed
  • The five dynamics that characterize emotional abuse
  • Why, if you are the victim of emotional abuse, it is not your fault
  • The answer to the question: Can emotional abusers change?
  • What to do if there is domestic violence in your marriage or committed relationship
  • How to prevent emotional abuse in the future
  • and much more

Learn more about my book, The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know.

Long term effects of emotional abuse

In my clinical practice I work energetically to free individuals from abusive relationships.

I know first hand ‘what abuse is’ and what you need to do to ‘free yourself from abuse.’

If you allow emotional abuse to be a part of your everyday life, you will likely feel anxious and eventually depressed.

The longer this continues, the more likely your self-esteem will be injured and the more difficult it will be for you to heal once the abuse has ended.

Equally of concern when emotional abuse continues is the risk of physical abuse and domestic violence.

If there already is physical violence, you need to get immediate help from trusted authorities. Read more about domestic violence and physical abuse.

If physical abuse and domestic violence are currently not present, but you allow the emotional abuse to continue, it can unexpectedly erupt into physical violence. Sadly, many wonderful people have died at the hands of their partners!

Remember, safety always comes first — protect yourself and other family members.

If you are in an emotionally abusive marriage or committed relationship, follow these 12-steps to begin the process to FREE yourself from abuse:

The 12 PRINCIPLED POSITIONS To End The Abuse

  1. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to humiliate, shame, degrade, curse or threaten you.
  2. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to intimidate, control or force you to do something you don’t want to do.
  3. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm that stand you will not allow your partner to trivialize your feelings, ideas or values.
  4. Systematically ignoring you, no talking to you, is emotional abuse. Do not accept such treatment from your partner.
  5. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not surrender your independence and autonomy by submitting to your partner’s will.
  6. Make a decision for yourself not to accept extreme selfishness from your partner to the point where it is dismissive of your needs and wants.
  7. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to isolate you from family or friends.
  8. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to withhold money or confiscate your personal belongings such as car keys, phone, or other personal property.
  9. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to touch you in a hostile way or to threaten to do so by making his hand into a fist, or getting very close to your face with his face, or any other menacing and threatening way.
  10. Make a decision for yourself and take a firm stand that you will not allow your partner to behave in an extremely jealous and possessive way that impacts your peace of mind, challenges your dignity, and restricts your freedom.
  11. Get outside help if you need it. DON’T REMAIN SILENT. This is what your abuser wants you to do! Don’t cooperate and unintentionally allow the abuse to continue!
  12. Recognize that you do not need to live as an abused person. If you want, you can leave your abusive partner.

If you decide to leave, get help if needed to ensure your safety as you tell your partner of your plans and organize and implement your exit.

Family and friends can help. The police are available to ensure your safety. In some situations, it is advisable to consult a family law lawyer.

Get more help from qualified professionals:

This Emotional Abuse Test is adapted and modified by Abe Kass from: THE INTIMATE JUSTICE SCALE: AN INSTRUMENT TO SCREEN FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE AND PHYSICAL VIOLENCE IN CLINICAL PRACTICE By Brian Jory, Ph.D. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, January 2004, Volume 30, Number 1, 29 – 44. You can read this article at: Wiley Online Library, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy

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