Don’t Make These 9 Second Marriage Problems

Incomplete grieving. When you are in a new relationship, you must be 100% present. Building a family with another person requires determination and effort. If you are still grieving or upset over a past relationship, this will stop you from focusing on the new one.

Holding on to your first marriage or committed relationship. When you start a new committed relationship, you need to let go of the past one. If you try to live in both, your new relationship will suffer and perhaps even fail. Your new partner needs you committed to him or her and no one else.

Ongoing legal disputes. For many couples, the process of attaining a divorce spans years. You need to deal with your lawsuit to protect your rights and entitlements. But you also need to manage it so it doesn’t overwhelm your new relationship. It should not leave your new partner feeling neglected and anxious.

Not treating your new partner as your number one person. Your wife/girlfriend or husband/boyfriend must rank even higher than your children. Putting your partner first is essential. This is especially true in a blended family. This is good for your children. It will help your new relationship succeed and spare them another divorce.

Repetition of unhealthy relationship patterns from your first marriage. Your bad or sloppy behavior may or may not have caused the divorce of your first marriage. Still, fix those mistakes in your new relationship. It will prevent second marriage problems.

Not maintaining authority over your children. When your children are shared between you and your ex-partner, neither of you has them all the time. Children naturally resist discipline and guidance. Thus, when you, as a part-time parent, discipline your child, you might feel vulnerable. You fear rejection and worry about losing your son or daughter from your life. You may be concerned that if you discipline them, they might not want to come for visitation times. Because of this, you may withhold the guidance and discipline your children need. When children become too powerful and do not cooperate, the family becomes dysfunctional. It may even lead to divorce.

Not building a healthy blended family. Starting a second marriage for you and your children creates a complex family. It also creates a most challenging one. Your children will have a new step-parent and likely step-siblings. You chose to remarry a new person whom you love and trust. Your children had no choice. Your new partner and their children were imposed upon them, for better or for worse. From their point of view, suddenly, they are surrounded by new people. Maybe they have a new home, new school, and new neighborhood. Your new partner lacks the natural authority of a birth parent. They cannot discipline your children. They may come to feel disrespected and helpless, leading to conflict. This can cause major relationship problems. Blended families, especially during the first year, can be very chaotic. Children can exploit the situation. This makes it hard to discipline and guide them. When children assume too much power in the family, the family’s future is bleak.

Ignoring the signs of second marriage problems. A second marriage or committed relationship is like all other relationships. Sometimes they work well, and sometimes they don’t. You cannot fear a second breakup so much that you close your mind to it. Problems then fester, grow, and multiply. You must know the signs of relationship deterioration. These include bickering, staying out late, anger, anxiety, and depression. These indicators often signal the presence of serious relationship problems that need attention.

Not getting professional help. Not getting help from a relationship specialist is a mistake. They must understand second marriage problems and blended families. This is particularly true when attempts to fix family problems on your own have not worked. If you don’t get the help you need, your second relationship may fail. You have tried hard, but that won’t matter.