Professional Therapist Abe Kass MA RSW RMFT
Abe has helped thousands of individuals, couples, and families for twenty-five-plus years. When it comes to relationship expertise — Abe is the real deal and can be trusted!
Author: Professional Therapist Abe Kass MA RSW RMFT
After taking a deep breath, Sharon asked me a question I hear almost daily in my 30+ years as a relationship specialist: “Am I being emotionally abused by my husband?”
She continued, “My husband blames his yelling on me. He blames me for everything! He gives me the silent treatment for days. My husband has destroyed me emotionally, and I need to know if he’s an abuser.”
As a Master relationship specialist (MA RSW RMFT) who has helped thousands of couples navigate these complex situations, I directed Sharon to tell me more about her situation.
Sharon’s story mirrors what I see in my clinical practice every day. Nearly half of all women in the United States experience psychological abuse, yet many don’t recognize the warning signs until severe damage occurs.
If you’re questioning whether your partner’s behavior crosses the line from normal conflict into abuse, you’re already taking the first crucial step toward protecting yourself. The difference between healthy relationship disagreements and emotionally abusive patterns can be subtle but critical to understand.
Healthy conflict involves respect, even during heated moments. Partners may disagree strongly, but they don’t deliberately tear each other down, threaten, or use manipulation tactics. In contrast, emotional abuse creates a pattern of control through intimidation, isolation, constant criticism, or threats. Abusive partners often minimize your feelings, make you question your own reality, or use guilt and fear to maintain power.
Trust your instincts. If you consistently feel like you’re walking on eggshells, doubting your perceptions, or are afraid of your partner’s reactions, these are serious warning signs that warrant attention and potentially require professional support.
One of the most confusing aspects of emotional abuse is how abusers twist reality to make their victims feel responsible. They’ll say things like:
This blame-shifting serves a purpose: it keeps you confused and questioning your own judgment. What I’ve learned through decades of clinical experience is that this confusion is intentional. Abusers use gaslighting to maintain control and avoid taking responsibility for their harmful behavior.
The most important truth I share with clients like Sharon is this: You are never responsible for your partner’s abusive behavior. Just as no one can force someone to eat meat if they choose not to, no one can cause another person to be abusive.
Your partner chooses their behavior, whether consciously or due to learned patterns. Understanding this fundamental truth is crucial for your healing and safety.
Well-meaning friends and family often advise about relationship problems, but emotional abuse requires specialized expertise. Even lawyers, doctors, and clergy aren’t trained to handle these complex relationship dynamics.
Based on my extensive research and clinical experience, I’ve written a book called The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know (available on this website and Amazon) that provides you with my professional help to free yourself from the clutches of abuse. Additional professional assistance may be required.
You have the same responsibility to protect yourself from emotional harm as you do from physical danger. Just as you look both ways before crossing a busy street, you must take steps to avoid people who consistently hurt you.
Staying in an abusive relationship compromises your self-esteem, dignity, freedom, and potentially your physical safety. Research shows how prolonged emotional abuse creates lasting psychological damage that can take years to heal.
Here’s what gives me hope after three decades of helping people like Sharon: abusers can change, but only if they acknowledge their behavior and commit to transformation. However, as I emphasize in The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know, change must come from them, not from you trying harder or walking on eggshells.
A healthy relationship requires respect, equality, and genuine care. When your partner consistently blames you for their abusive behavior, they’re essentially telling you the abuse will continue. This is when you must make the difficult but necessary choice to prioritize your well-being.
Many people don’t realize that emotional abuse takes various forms. The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know details how to identify emotional, psychological, verbal, and other types of abuse that often occur together. Understanding these patterns helps you see the full scope of what you’re experiencing.
The book also addresses crucial questions like whether emotional abusers can truly change, the role anger plays in abusive relationships, and why gender differences matter in how abuse is expressed.
If you recognize yourself in Sharon’s story, know that you deserve kindness, respect, and love. The confusion you feel is normal — it’s actually a predictable response to psychological manipulation.
The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know provides the roadmap Sharon used to reclaim her life. This guide covers everything from identifying warning signs to understanding why it’s never your fault, as well as practical steps for seeking help and preventing future abuse.
Remember: you have the right to live free from abuse. No one has the right to blame, criticize, or manipulate you. Trust your instincts, seek professional help if required, and know that with the proper support and information, you can break free from the cycle of abuse and build a respectful, loving relationship with the partner you are currently with, or if he or she won’t change, with someone else in the future.
Your safety and well-being matter. Take the first step today. Consider purchasing The 15 Essential Facts Victims of Emotional Abuse Need to Know.
Abe has helped thousands of individuals, couples, and families for twenty-five-plus years. When it comes to relationship expertise — Abe is the real deal and can be trusted!
Professional Therapist Abe Kass MA RSW RMFT
Abe has helped thousands of individuals, couples, and families for twenty-five-plus years. When it comes to relationship expertise — Abe is the real deal and can be trusted!