Hi, my name is Abe Kass MA RSW RMFT,
I am a professional therapist, and I have worked with many people just like you. I am the real deal and I know what I am talking about.
Know this: The quality of your romantic relationship will determine the quality of your life!
If your romantic relationship is toxic, you need to do something about it before it is too late and the quality of your life is seriously damaged.
If you are in a toxic relationship, I am here to help you fix it.
What is a toxic relationship?
It is important to know the difference between a bad relationship, relationship abuse, and a toxic relationship. Accurately identifying your relationship problems is key to finding the right treatment.
Signs you are in a ‘bad relationship.’ Relationship conflict that is characterized by occasional fights between you and your partner.
However, what distinguishes relationship conflict from a toxic relationship is that the conflict passes, and you and your partner find common ground and go back to enjoying each other’s company.
A bad relationship is not a toxic relationship.
Signs you are in an ‘abusive relationship.’ Abuse, be it emotional, sexual, financial, mental, psychological, or physical, is the systematic effort of one partner to establish dominance over the other partner.
This ‘dominance’ manifests itself with efforts to control, intimidate, bully, shame, and isolate the target partner, the victim.
An abusive relationship is not a toxic relationship.
Signs you are in a ‘toxic relationship.’ A toxic relationship is characterized by a poisoned emotional atmosphere where there is continual tension between you and your partner.
The 7 signs of a toxic relationship
1. Arguments, anger, mistrust, and resentment. In a toxic relationship, one or both partners consistently and predictably express anger, resentment, and disdain for their partner.
In a toxic relationship, both partners feel they are continually at war with one another.
2. Unable to solve relationship problems. Couples in a toxic relationship typically cannot speak with one another. Because of this, they cannot solve everyday problems that all families encounter.
3. Feeling apart, lonely, lack of sex. In a toxic relationship, other than occasional outbursts of anger, bickering, and vengeance, the two individuals often ignore one another and have no interest in giving or sharing pleasure.
Toxic relationships commonly evolve into relationships of convenience.
4. Secrets, infidelity, and lying. In a toxic relationship, emotional support, comfort, or care is typically non-existent. Because of this void, it is tempting to step out of the relationship and get involved in things that the other partner would disapprove of. This then leads to lying, deceit, and living a secret life.
In a toxic relationship, the aggrieved partner concludes that the only way he or she will have any pleasure in life is if they seek it outside the marriage.
5. Feeling one’s partner disapproves. Because of the polarizing nature of toxic relationships, it is common that there is no appreciation, or worse, there is only disapproval, for one’s partner’s contributions to the family. Such an emotional environment is very oppressive and difficult to live in.
Lack of approval from one’s partner often leads to low self-esteem and to depression.
6. Parenting disagreements. In toxic relationships, one of the battlegrounds becomes ‘how best to parent the children.’ Each parent may be fully committed to the care of their children; however, the relationship’s toxicity creates ongoing disagreements about how best to raise them.
When there is toxicity in the relationship between the parents, the children also suffer greatly.
7. Extended family rejection. Individuals in toxic relationships are often vengeful, or at least not supportive, of their partner’s legitimate needs. Because of this, they have very little interest in participating when their partner has extended family gatherings with grandparents, siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles.
Being in a toxic relationship often leads to embarrassment in front of extended family members and friends. Unlike many relationship problems, relationship toxicity is often seen by all.
How to fix a toxic relationship
You now know what a toxic relationship is.
After having read what I have written above, if you believe that you are in a toxic relationship, make this your starting point to change your situation with your partner for the better.
Your goal is to have a respectful, loving, and long-lasting relationship.
Here are 5 toxic relationship busting tools:
1. Knowledge. Relationship success is governed by fundamental principles, as are all occurrences in nature.
With the right knowledge and commitment to follow through with what you know, you can build a solid relationship for yourself and your family.
If you already know the relationship principles to a good marriage or committed relationship, you are good to go. If you don’t know what a good relationship is like, you need to educate yourself.
If you need help knowing the correct approach to a good relationship, you can get my easy to use guide: The Eight Marriage Rules For A Passionate Marriage.
2. Truth to power. You need to courageously assert to your partner that it is unacceptable to live in a toxic relationship and not try to fix it.
Together you and your partner need to take a stand against living in a toxic relationship that is harmful to everyone in your family, and may even put the continuation of your family at risk.
3. Make a plan with your partner. Request that your partner, together with you, devise a plan to make your relationship better.
Make a list of what will help, such as:
- Edit out all the negative comments when speaking
- Be careful not to bicker or argue with one another
- Spend quality time together doing something enjoyable
- Decide to spend time listening without comment to one another
- Don’t use words such as “always or never”
- Find a good professional relationship therapist who can help you
Hopefully, your partner will participate in a relationship improvement plan to fix your toxic relationship.
You can make progress by yourself to end a toxic relationship. However, doing it with your partner makes it much easier and greatly increases the likelihood of success.
4. Behave with integrity. You and your partner need to both have the integrity needed to stick with your relationship improvement plan. Integrity means doing the ‘right’ thing regardless of the situation.
Integrity means, even if your partner is deficient in his or her contribution to relationship improvement, you still do your part.
FREE Toxic Relationship Quiz
- Learn if your relationship is toxic and if yes, learn how bad it likely is.
- There is no obligation, and we do not keep a record of your score
- No email is required
- Immediate results
- Only 16 easy questions to answer.
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Abe Kass, MA RSW RMFT is a Registered Social Worker, Registered Couple and Family Therapist, and award-winning Educator. He has a busy clinical practice in Toronto, Canada.
After many years of clinical practice and research, Abe concluded that practical solutions requiring a focused effort of no more than a few minutes a day for very specific relationship problems were critically needed. GoSmartLife Publishing House has been created to fill this need.