Anger Management Test, Tips, and Videos

Anger is Harmful

Welcome to my anger management resource page. Anger is the number one cause of relationship failure. Do whatever you can to avoid anger and stay calm and peaceful.

Take the FREE Anger Management Test — it is quick and easy. No email required. Immediate results. Private and Confidential.

15 easy to answer questions and Choose your answer

Anger Management Test Score… what it means to you… and what you should do next

Hi, this is couple therapist Abe Kass, MA RSW RMFT.

Let’s review your Anger Test score.

Keeping in mind Your Score, scroll-down until you find the range for your score. Then read what your ‘results’ mean.

0-4 points. You are contributing very little anger to your relationship. Make sure it stays that way.

If patterns of anger start to develop, seek self-help or professional help.

5-10 points. You are reporting some anger issues and problems. You and your partner will benefit from reducing your anger.

Doing nothing about your anger problem will likely lead to increased expressions of anger and possible relationship deterioration.

Consider self-help or professional help to reduce the anger and build a healthy relationship for the future.

11-17 points. You are manifesting destructive anger. Your relationships are at risk of breaking down.

I recommend that you consider self-help and professional help to learn how to manage your anger.

18-and more points. Your anger is causing very real problems in your valued relationships. Likely loved ones fear and resent you.

Get self-help and professional anger management help NOW. Otherwise, your relationships will likely break down entirely.

Your partner will either leave you or is considering doing so, which will lead to an emotional divorce or an actual one.

Your situation may become so bad and so chronic that your relationship may not even be able to recover from the anger trauma you are causing.

You need to take emergency action now before it is too late!

Five Anger Management Tips

Here are 5 anger management tips to help you and your partner stay calm and abuse free:

1. Resist negatively judging your partner. Seek positive ways to interpret your partner’s behavior, so you will be less upset or not upset at all with what he or she has done.

2. Don’t keep a score. When you are upset with something your partner has done, “forgive and forget.” Don’t hold on to your negative judgment about your partner and angry feelings and use them as fuel to feed additional negative thoughts. This will only lead to additional anger and escalated conflict — you and your entire family will then suffer the consequences.

3. Be humble. Don’t react in an angry way when things don’t go your way. In essence, anger is trying to force things to be different than they are. Anger is an aggressive emotion to try and “force” things to be the way you want them to be. Whatever the situation is, try to accept as much as you can. “Acceptance” will eliminate anger and this will lead to peace and harmony with your partner.

4. Share and Negotiate. If there is something your partner does that you cannot “accept” as recommended above — and perhaps for a good reason — calmly and respectfully share your thoughts and when appropriate, negotiate a solution agreeable to both of you.

5. Stay calm. If you become angry, stop talking. Do something else until you calm down. When you are angry everyone around you is hurt including you, and the point you are trying to make is lost in the flood of negative emotions. Only try to explain yourself or get what you want when you are calm!

When you follow these anger prevention guidelines, this will be a miraculous tonic to improve the peace and harmony in every relationship and avoid the accusation that you are an abuser!

anger management infographic
Anger Management Infographic

VIDEO: Anger is harmful — The Three Steps to Complete Anger Control

VIDEO: What to do About Your Anger Problem

VIDEO: Be accepting (A perfect perfect antidote to anger!)

Gaslighting is a form of passive-aggressive anger.

Passive-aggressive anger is a version of anger that conceals the hostility. It is particularly dangerous because it cannot be identified until after the damage has been done.

When gaslight is allowed to go unchecked, it can injure a person’s self-esteem and confidence.

When gaslighting is used to control a person, it is a form of emotional. Emotional abuse is a very serious relationship malfunction and injures many people it can cause a complete breakdown of the couple’s relationship and family.

Most often, gaslighting is used to neutralize another person’s point of view to gain the upper hand in an argument and thereby increase once influence regarding the decision or point to be made.

Sometimes, the perpetrator of gaslighting is not even aware of what they are doing. Gaslighting is a hidden form of anger that can be hidden from both the perpetrator and the victim.

Gaslighting should always be called out. Otherwise, it will likely only become more prevalent within the relationship.

When gaslighting is not used as an instrument of abuse, once the perpetrator of gaslighting becomes aware of what they are doing, they will become more mindful and reduce the gaslighting or eliminate it completely.

VIDEO: Gaslighting — Catch it Before it Poisons You!

Hi, this is relationship specialist Abe Kass.

Today I want to talk to you about gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a way of expressing anger. It causes a person to doubt their sanity, perception of reality, or recollection of events.

Gaslighting is passive-aggressive anger.

Passive-aggressive anger means expressing anger in a hidden way.

When gaslighting anger is used to control, it is then a form of emotional abuse.

Gaslighting is very much like a virus. As a virus sneaks into the body undetected, so too gaslighting anger sneaks into a person’s emotions, injuring their self-worth, confidence, and clarity.

Listen to the following couple:

Listen to Sam gaslight his wife Terry:

Hear how Sam ignores the actual issues Terry mentions.

He tells her she doesn’t know how to feel, and then he makes himself the victim.

Sam concludes by telling Terry she should feel guilty for even mentioning that she was hurt.

T -Sam, I am hurt that you did not get me a birthday present. You did not even wish me a happy birthday!

S – Terry, you know every time I get you a gift; you don’t like it.

T – Actually, that only happened once. I did not appreciate that you got me a vacuum cleaner for my birthday.

T – Actually, that only happened once. I did not appreciate that you got me a vacuum cleaner for my birthday.

S – I know your birthday is a special time and the last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings. You should appreciate my good intentions as a proper reason for not getting you a birthday gift. If I didn’t care about you, I would’ve bought you any silly old thing, and it would have become more house clutter.

T – Sam, I am a human being, and I need attention. My birthday is when I should have gotten some attention from you.

S – Terry, you need to get real. You know I give you lots of money, and you have everything you need. Why should I be insensitive and hurt your feelings by bringing you the wrong thing? Be grateful you have such a caring and sensitive husband.

T – I think you hate me!

Have you ever heard of the expression, the best defense is an offense? Often, this is the best way to deal with a person who is trying to gaslight you.

Recognize the gaslighting. Stick with your truth. Tell the gaslighting perpetrator that you will not fall for their nonsense.

When you challenge the person gaslighting, you send the anger back to them while you protect yourself.

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