Marriage Counseling Self-help logo
Healthy Relationship Quiz

Gaslighting Is Passive Anger

Gaslighting is a form of passive-aggressive anger.

Passive-aggressive anger is a version of anger that conceals the hostility. It is particularly dangerous because it cannot be identified until after the damage has been done.

When gaslight is allowed to go unchecked, it can injure a person's self-esteem and confidence.

When gaslighting is used to control a person, it is a form of emotional. Emotional abuse is a very serious relationship malfunction and injures many people it can cause a complete breakdown of the couple's relationship and family.

Most often, gaslighting is used to neutralize another person's point of view to gain the upper hand in an argument and thereby increase once influence regarding the decision or point to be made.

Sometimes, the perpetrator of gaslighting is not even aware of what they are doing. Gaslighting is a hidden form of anger that can be hidden from both the perpetrator and the victim.

Gaslighting should always be called out. Otherwise, it will likely only become more prevalent within the relationship.

When gaslighting is not used as an instrument of abuse, once the perpetrator of gaslighting becomes aware of what they are doing, they will become more mindful and reduce the gaslighting or eliminate it completely.

Text for this video:

Hi, this is relationship specialist Abe Kass.

Today I want to talk to you about gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a way of expressing anger. It causes a person to doubt their sanity, perception of reality, or recollection of events.

Gaslighting is passive-aggressive anger.

Passive-aggressive anger means expressing anger in a hidden way.

When gaslighting anger is used to control, it is then a form of emotional abuse.

Gaslighting is very much like a virus. As a virus sneaks into the body undetected, so too gaslighting anger sneaks into a person’s emotions injuring their self-worth, confidence, and clarity.

Listen to the following couple:

Listen to Sam gaslight his wife Terry:

Hear how Sam ignores the actual issues Terry mentions.

He tells her she doesn’t know how to feel, and then he makes himself the victim.

Sam concludes by telling Terry she should feel guilty for even mentioning that she was hurt.

T -Sam, I am hurt that you did not get me a birthday present. You did not even wish me a happy birthday!

S - Terry, you know every time I get you a gift; you don’t like it.

T - Actually, that only happened once. I did not appreciate that you got me a vacuum cleaner for my birthday.

T - Actually, that only happened once. I did not appreciate that you got me a vacuum cleaner for my birthday.

S - I know your birthday is a special time and the last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings. You should appreciate my good intentions as a proper reason for not getting you a birthday gift. If I didn’t care about you, I would’ve bought you any silly old thing, and it would have become more house clutter.

T - Sam, I am a human being, and I need attention. My birthday is when I should have gotten some attention from you.

S - Terry, you need to get real. You know I give you lots of money, and you have everything you need. Why should I be insensitive and hurt your feelings by bringing you the wrong thing? Be grateful you have such a caring and sensitive husband.

T - I think you hate me!

Have you ever heard of the expression, the best defense is an offense? Often, this is the best way to deal with a person who is trying to gaslight you.

Recognize the gaslighting. Stick with your truth. Tell the gaslighting perpetrator that you will not fall for their nonsense.

When you challenge the person gaslighting, you send the anger back to them, while you protect yourself.

Share this

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments